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Home » Discussions for Women who are Pregnant » If family or friends aren't supportive of adoption » No One understands

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No One understands [message #8390]

Fri, 12 January 2007 12:47

Anonymous
Messages: 2403
Registered: December 1969

Senior Member

I'm 24 years old and already have a daughter. This second baby was not planned, she is from an affair that I had. I know that she will be better off with another family that can give her what she needs. My family however does not understand that. It's a hard enough decsion and they are just making it harder. All I need is some support.

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No One understands [message #9212 is a reply to message #8390 ]

Wed, 24 January 2007 10:45

Anonymous
Messages: 2403
Registered: December 1969

Senior Member

Friends and family love us and are generally more than happy to put in their two cents with the best of intentions. However, you are an adult and you have to make this very tough decision. I encourage you to make sure you research your adoption choices, seek some professional counseling, and do what you feel is best based on all of that and what you feel. I am an adoptive mother, and I have seen what a miracle it can be. If you decide to follow through, know that you have done something amazing. If you decide to keep the child and be a great parent, then you have still done something amazing. You can't see them, but I am sending you big hugs!

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No One understands [message #19590 is a reply to message #8390 ]

Sun, 10 June 2007 12:06

Anonymous
Messages: 2403
Registered: December 1969

Senior Member

I too, am going thru the same situation with my family. I found out i was preganant at the sixth month and it was unplanned and overwhelming i already have a 2 year old girl and we are struggling to make ends met. I don't think they understand that. I just talked about with my mom today and it got ugly. My mom and family is making it really hard. If you need someone to talk i am there with you anytime.

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Re: No One understands [message #20810 is a reply to message #8390 ]

Tue, 12 August 2008 07:05

Nikimathew
Messages: 1
Registered: August 2008

Junior Member

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Re: No One understands [message #20811 is a reply to message #20810 ]

Fri, 15 August 2008 13:42

hockeyfan7
Messages: 148
Registered: August 2007
Location: Colorado

Senior Member

It is tough when your family and friends do not support you. However, you know what is best for you and for your precious child. Only you can know whether or not you are prepared to raise a child or if you want your child to have a different life. There are so many loving families that will gladly love your child and understand how much courage, selflessness and love it takes for you to make the decision for adoption. If you have not already called a birth support specialist at American Adoptions, may I suggest you give them a call and talk to someone? They have counseling available for you. As an adoptive mother, we are so grateful to our birth mother and we know it was not an easy thing for her to choose adoption. We tell our child every day how special she is.

Sometimes you have to think of yourself first and not think of your family or friends' opinions or thoughts. You are the one that has to live your life, and only you know what you can and cannot manage. Adoption is a blessing to people like us.

You can ask for a more open adoption as well where you have contact wit the birth parents. We send our child's birth mother a letter with pictures every month so she can see how he's growing and find out what all he's been up to. We have already given him a lot of new adventures and it's fun to tell her all about them.

Hang in there and know that we care about you and how you feel.

Susan

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Re: No One understands [message #20814 is a reply to message #8390 ]

Tue, 09 September 2008 16:28

megnpaige
Messages: 1
Registered: September 2008

Junior Member

Hello everyone, my name is Megan. I am twenty years old and have a one year old daughter already. When i found out i was pregnate for the second time, i kind of freaked out at first. I wasn't sure what to do. Right now I can barely make ends meet so i knew that I wouldn't be able to keep the child. My daughters father left me when i was six months pregnate and the father of this baby doesn't believe that it's his because he doesn't remember that night becuase he drank to much. So once again i'm left on my own to raise another child. My mom has helped me out with everything since my first pregnacy and honesly i hate to rely on someone else to make sure i can afford everything for my child. It bothers me, I am now to a stable point in my life that I am able to afford what i need and nothing more. very few people in my family know about this pregnacy right now, but those who do know that I am doing what is best for the child and it's future. My mom was adopted and belives that i can make things work and keep the child, but in my eyes I don't see how. I go bumped down from full time at my recent job to part time which put a major crunch in my funds for doing anything. I want to do whats best and right for the life and future of this baby, but everyone is making me feel like i'm a horrible person and mom because I am not keeping this child. It is hard enough right now to make that decision but it's what is best and deep down in my heart i know it is.

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Re: No One understands [message #20815 is a reply to message #20814 ]

Tue, 09 September 2008 22:02

heatherlyis
Messages: 3
Registered: November 2007

Junior Member

Hello Megan,

I hope you know that many people are praying for you and that you and only you know what is best for yourself and this baby. American Adoptions is an awesome choice for seeking answers to your many questions and concerns. I am an Adoptive Mother who is so very thankful for my son's birth mother. She made a selfless and strong choice to place him with us. We could not be more greatful! However, we also realize the heartache and frustrations she encountered when making that decision. She also did not have a lot of support. Her Social Worker was a source of strength for her. She really helped her through many of the emotions as well as assisting her with all of the financial and physical responsibilities she was facing. I hope that you can find that same support in making your decision and for the future. Know that we will pray that you find strength and hope.

Sincerely,
Heather

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Re: No One understands [message #20819 is a reply to message #20814 ]

Sun, 14 September 2008 09:20

Andi
Messages: 6
Registered: January 2008
Location: Florida

Junior Member

Dear Megan,

I would suggest contacting American Adoptions and speaking with a birth mom specialist. They would not try to talk you into anything that you would not want to do. Everyone that I have dealt with at AA is absolutely amazing and very compassionate.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Andi

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Re: No One understands [message #20849 is a reply to message #8390 ]

Tue, 28 October 2008 21:02

hockeyfan7
Messages: 148
Registered: August 2007
Location: Colorado

Senior Member

Megan and Anonymous, how are you doing? I have been thinking about you and praying that you find peace and support. I hope things are going better for you and that yo have been able to talk to someone about your situations.

Susan

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Re: No One understands [message #20874 is a reply to message #20814 ]

Tue, 16 December 2008 16:51

azura
Messages: 25
Registered: September 2008

Junior Member

how are you doing? do what you feel in your heart is best. we are active now and have been waiting 6 weeks.

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Re: No One understands [message #21024 is a reply to message #8390 ]

Tue, 23 June 2009 13:40

-amanda-marie-
Messages: 1
Registered: June 2009

Junior Member

I'm 19. I already have a daughter whom I love very much, even if it's hard financially. I have another baby due in December, and I can't handle another baby, emotionally or financially. I told my mother and she says that I'll go on welfare and have the state help me get my own place.

I know what it's like when things don't work out and go south and I don't want to do that again with a newborn.

She doesn't understand that there are families out there who can take care of my unborn child. Financially, emotionally. They can give him the love and support he needs. When I can't.

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Re: No One understands [message #21025 is a reply to message #21024 ]

Tue, 23 June 2009 14:46

hockeyfan7
Messages: 148
Registered: August 2007
Location: Colorado

Senior Member

Amanda-Marie,

I'm sorry to hear that you don't have family support. I hope that you will choose to do what you feel is best for you and your unborn child. You have a tough decision to make and I pray that you will find the strength to make the one that will be the right one for you whatever that may be.

Have you talked with an adoption specialist at American Adoptions yet? If not, may I suggest you give them a call? They can talk with you about your options and help you find the support you need to make your decision.

You are right -- there are many families out there that will take care of your unborn child financially and emotionally and give him all the love in the world. And you can choose to still stay in touch with the family you choose so you know how he is doing.

What your mother isn't thinking about is what's fair for your child and for you. It isn't fair to your child if you know you are not able to care for him and it isn't fair to you to feel you are "forced' to do so. I bet you want more out of life than welfare and state support.

Know that we care about you and your child. I hope things work out for you and really suggest you call and talk with someone at American Adoptions no matter what you decide to do.

Susan

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